Today, I just realized something… that I don’t really know what’s going on around me.

Well, maybe it’s the consequence of how I am. I don’t really ask, don’t really get involved in people’s problems. I just do my tasks, smile when needed, laugh when it’s enough. So yah… no one really thinks to care enough about me wkwk.

But somehow, it’s still hurting me.

It makes me feel like… maybe I’m just not that important. Even when I genuinely ‘luv and care’ about them. Not important enough to be told things. I’m just… another NPC. Someone who finds out stuff randomly from others, not someone they think of informing first.

And the worst part is, I can’t even be mad about it.

Because I’m no different. I don’t share things about myself. I’m not a good listener, not even a fun person to talk to. But still… today I feel really sad.

I don’t even know why I’m this sensitive. I hate this, bcs I’m literally acting like an ‘ibu-ibu’, so damn sensitive. Getting emotional over everything.

Maybe it’s everything piling up. The whole marriage thing has been freaking me out. It’s been arguments, then silent treatment, then arguments again, then silent treatment again--over and over and over with my fiancee. Then this and that keep coming up, and I had no idea about any of it (nah everyone knew, except me). And it just makes me feel… sick.

I hate that I’m this ‘baper’. I hate that I can’t genuinely feel happy for other people. I can’t just let it go and laugh it off, put my earphones in and blast the volume…just to shut everything out.

and I’m scared of things I can’t even see (the future?). None of this is their fault. it’s all on me :”(